Clarity Limbo

Yesterday was Friday, but not just any Friday. It was Momentum Friday. The first of its kind here in Kampala. If not, it was my first and a first for all of us who attended. Two of those who attended were my two special people; my roommate and our best friend. We had a great time learning from the amazing speaker and organiser of the event, Coach Phill and an even greater time breaking wooden boards. The boards represented all of the things we wanted to break through which were getting in the way of where we wanted to go, and what we wanted to be or what we wanted to achieve. It was a pretty surreal moment for me. I stood there and stared at that board, all my fear coming to life. I have an amazing relationship with Coach. He has seen me from completely clueless, through many learning moments, mistakes, failures and a number of achievements; small and big, minimal and major. And he has always been of great help, at least whenever I reached out to him. This time was no different, except that instead of a one on one over a cup of tea, I shared the moment with others and saw that am not the only one struggling with something. Sometimes we forget that there are others out there and it sucks us into a place where self pity dwells, and when self pity takes over your being, all you do is think of how unfair the world has been to you and how everyone and everything other than yourself is to blame for your situation, instead of thinking about how you got there in the first place and how to get out of the situation. And that is what I call Clarity Limbo.

Limbo, according to the Google dictionary means

an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition.

In the Catholic faith it means,

the supposed abode of the souls of unbaptised infants; and of the just who died before Christ’s coming.”

Its neither Heaven nor hell but a place in-between.

The synonyms include oblivion, void, non-existence, and for the first definition; unfinished, incomplete.

Does this paint for you the picture as clearly as it does for me? Okay! Imagine living in an imcomplete house. Unfinished in many ways; maybe the windows are not fixed, there is no running water in the taps, or even no electricity. Maybe you have the electricity but there are no sockets into which to plug your appliances. Or maybe the house was complete when you started to live in it but over time things have been breaking one after another and you have been putting off the fixtures for later and now nothing seems to be working when you really want it to. The sink is all clogged with dirt and overflowing with dirty water, electrical appliances shock you now and again when you put them to use, you cannot find a thing easily around the house. You must first unpile case after box after another pile of clutter. Your loved one is constantly nagging you about this and that which you ought to have taken care of but you couldn’t. They should understand you’re trying your best. Right?  The kids also seem to be in trouble constantly, performing poorly at school or fighting each other; why won’t they stop? Do you feel the frustration? The anger? The urge to wave a magic wand and voi la! Its all clear, things are in place, everything is working and you’re a happy soul?

We all go through some stuff, stuff thats unfair to us and very undeserving. We trust and get betrayed. We give our all and get sidetracked. We really do everything we can but still lose. We have the best of intentions but we are misunderstood or still don’t make it. Don’t you wonder why? I have been wondering why for over six months. I couldn’t get why someone like me could be subjected to this kind of life. Everybody out there is supposed to understand what am going through and be of assistance. But guess what? That’s not how winners win. I learnt that yesterday. I learnt that if you are not clear about where you want to go, you will never arrive. I learnt that information without execution is poverty.

Its either your good at one thing or you will become only average at many things. I have been average and I see so many who are. Loved ones and friends, relatives and strangers. All looking to make a difference but spreading themselves out too thin. And achieving almost nothing at the end of the day. They too have the best of intentions, but now I know that like me, they haven’t been precisely clear about what they want to do in life which will give them most of the achievement they seek. I am now going to share what I learnt about the power of Clarity and how to get out of limbo. Mostly the action points I am taking on myself starting this first day of April. Here goes;

You can either be a master at one thing, or be average at many things

The world is too big and we are all equally ambitious, we want to conquer it all or at least die trying. History has proven that you cannot be remembered for doing so much. But you will be remembered for doing one thing too well. One of my favourites is Mother Theresa. This woman didn’t have much but she gave her all to those who are far lesser than herself. She didn’t flinch or think she is too good for it, neither did she choose a  high profile cause. She simply picked the ones she thought were forgotten and there dedicated her all to look after them. So many quotes and life lessons are attributed to her and her legacy will live on forever. And it’s not because she did so much, she just did one thing to the best of her ability. So, what is that one thing that if you did with all you have, would change everything?

The books you read and the people you hang out with will determine where you go in life.

This is so true. Being a reader and an avid one at that, there people you meet and cannot have a conversation with because their knowledge is limited. Have you ever disagreed with someone on a subject you are well versed with and while you try to argue your point out, you realise it is pointless trying to explain it to them because they just won’t get it? That is what happens if you do not invest in books. You miss out on so much. Like I shared in my earlier post My obsessions: Reading, you will be richly endowed with a vast knowledge about so many topics that you can easily fit in any group. So how far do you wanna go in life and which kinds of people do you want to rub shoulders with? You got it! Its all a book away. And that said, I recommend that you read ‘How to Win Friends and Influence people by Dale Carnergie.

The people you hang out with, hhmmm! This is a hard paper because we cannot control who we love and who we’re born with and it is even harder to let people go. But you do not have to, all you have to do is to reduce the time you spend with those who do not challenge you to be better, Coach advised. Surround yourself with people who speak to you honestly even if it may break your heart or wound your ego. It is better to deal with the unpleasant truths than foolishly bounce around with comforting lies. Many don’t want this and will call you names and hate you for being straight forward but do yourself and the ones you care about a favor and always be truthful and constructively so. Be the reason someone is doing better in life and in turn, the same will be done for you.

The quality of your emotions determines the quality of your life

Coach Phill emphasised this. He said that many a time we have the best plans to achieve our goals but we fall short because we have attached very little emotion to achieving the said goal. So how much, or should I say, how badly do you want to succeed at what you have set out to do? How serious are you about getting it? He said that the stronger the feelings attached, what we also call passion, the better your chances to succeed. But should you fall short on this, anything will easily sidetrack you. You will have left room for the naysayers, and they will get to your core simply because you are not strongly rooted for your cause. Therefore, as you visualise and write down your goal, ask yourself how much you want to achieve it and don’t start until you are ready to push through the odds till you achieve it. You will find yourself walking alone, but you must carry on. All those you need to support you will vanish but you must keep going, you will even feel like you are wasting time and resources but again you gotta push on because you won’t know for sure until you get there.

When there is commitment, God shows up

There was a slide that he shared with us and it said;

Perhaps  the world hasn’t given you what you want because based on your distractions, its unsure what you want.

How true this is.  Even God works this way. If you are constantly complaining and not asking for what you really want, He will never know how to reward you. The movie called ‘The Secret’ best illustrates this. You should watch it.

And with that, go on and find clarity with where you want your life to go and take action. Read the right books, interact with the right people and break all the limits.

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