Random Thoughts 3

So, ladies actually hold a grudge if a guy asks for their phone number after a brief encounter? I am confused. I don’t see cause for anger, if anything, she ought to walk with her head held high. I mean, this guy just validated how desirable you are. Maybe I am being unrealistic because there are guys who ask for our phone numbers and we roll our eyes thinking; no way in the world am I giving this guy my number. Heck, No!! Especially because he physically does not impress you, or you just simply can’t imagine them in your life (if you have interacted for a reasonable amount of time). It happens. But why get angry? Can’t you just decline and walk away? I always cook up a fine reason should they insist but I simply say no, and catwalk away, because despite that, I am feeling so wanted in that moment. Sshhhh! All I am saying is, if your are a single lady and are very interested in marriage in the future, I don’t see why you would be angry that a stranger wants to keep in touch with you. Am not saying dish out your phone number like free candy, but for crying out loud, save your anger for something more deserving.

We used to have curfew growing up. We were not allowed to interact with boys whatsoever. As if we did not have brothers and male cousins, but you know what I mean. One friend even went so far as believing that just sitting next to a guy alone,would get her pregnant. Hahaha! I still laugh at this every time I remember. It took a very actively engaging lecture to make her see reason because she wanted to date but genuinely believed that the first interaction would give her babies. My sweet friend was so scared and worried for her life. I asked her if her brothers were less of men just because they were related to her, or her dad and also asked her if she had never sat next to a boy in class. She had, all the way up to university and yet still, her belief stood. Call in naivety or whatever you want, but it wasn’t funny anymore for me. But I didn’t blame her for thinking so, I was actually very angry with her family for selling such a big lie to her without a care of where it would take her. They are the same people who were pushing her to get married without even remembering to reprogram that thought that they had planted in her head years back. Well, anyway, after our thorough lecture, she managed to tell her family to back off and let her enjoy her dating life before she commits. We are yet to find a suitor. What’s the point of all the strictness on girls while the boys are let lose? I totally agree with Chimamanda Ngozi’s advice to her friend in her book, or should I say letter, Dear Ijeawele,… Lord help the girl child.

Then when a girl gets pregnant, why is it treated as such a taboo? I mean, that’s why she she lives. I know, I know! She should be married first but hey, that guy who got her pregnant knows that he should marry her first. So why is it her fault if she believed him but he did not keep his end of the bargain? See, she is not careless, she is a victim of deceit. He swore they would be together forever, but he lied. Or maybe he meant it but cannot afford to commit yet; these days formalities are too overrated. And this new craze of forcing the poor guy to immediately introduce the girl, I don’t get.  Why do you corner him like that? Yes, I want him to man up and take responsibility but forcing him to marry me doesn’t mean he will. I have seen many women stuck in unhappy marriages because the man was forced to marry her when he wasn’t ready, but just because she conceived. It’s a good thing she did. I have heard guys say they want her to get pregnant first, because they do not want to end up with a barren woman. Annoying excuse!!!! Anyhow! Am not making excuses for him, on the contrary, I am only siding with the girl here. She deserves better regardless. It is very possible for the baby daddy to organise himself and take care of her better as the child grows, or he may step aside and someone new takes her in. Times have changed. A baby is a blessing regardless of how it comes into this world. And those who ill-treat such a child are evil, mercy on you.

A male friend was talking to me about weight management. In one way or another, he made it clear that my current physical look is somewhat unacceptable but he continued to heap me with praises about what a great body I have. Along the way I got confused. So if my body looks great, why should I be worrying about my weight? I think boys need to learn to be specific about what they like but they should also understand that our bodies are very different from theirs and much as a girl wants to look slim and fit, her body is just different. She may be round and fuller but it doesn’t make her any less beautiful. Should you choose to like her and complement her, please mean it. She will never try to change you, neither should you. I just think we should inspire healthy habits in each other as opposed to making the other feel inferior or inadequate in any way. We are all beautiful.

And finally, I have been wondering for a while now. Is it really possible for a man to love two women at once? Or maybe it is but it cannot be the same. I have been musing over this for a while. Don’t ask. I have seen ladies who keep guys around for different benefits they get from them but I guess I have always assumed a man wants only one thing mainly from a woman. But they may want more. Say, physical with one and another challenges him on the intellectual front and so he keeps her around. He respects her and treats her right but this is where I get confused. How does he choose? He will seemingly treat the other one right as well. How do they do it? I better stop here before I voice so much more and look very awkward. Haha. Insecurities!

Back to serious business. #BreakingLymyts

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