Poverty

“Poverty is not an accident. Like slavery and apartheid, it is man-made and can be removed by the actions of human beings.” ~Nelson Mandela

Honestly, poverty is one word that I now think has the wrong definition. Its not lacking what you need and sleeping hungry because your broke. Leave alone those in disaster stricken areas, real poverty is not utilizing the resources available to you. My faith has grown so deep that I now know that being alive alone is reason enough to hustle my butt off.

We all go through stuff and life is unfair to us, but hitting a pothole, knocking a bump or wall doesn’t mean the end of the road. Real poverty is allowed by us through our limited thinking, less actions and lack of creativity or innovation. We tend to wait so much on others to make things happen for us, forgetting that it is us who really know what we want and the others will never know. They can only guess. Some of the habits or things that truly lead us into poverty include the following. You can add to the list, share your experiences. But these stand out for me.

Not reading

“To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life.” ~ W. Somerset Maugham

This habit has brought me so far, and taught me so much. Like I mentioned in my previous post My obsessions: Reading, it has availed me so many opportunities and exposed me to new worlds and cultures. Reading opens your mind and enables you to think broadly, which in turn could make you a fortune. There is a book for every idea or subject out there, you just have to find it and read it. The internet has all those notes, e-books are accessible and audio books also came to us. There is no excuse for not reading. And it’s a very worthy investment. The quote below summarizes it well;

“The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.” Saint Augustine

Not travelling

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~ Andre Gide

Trevor Noah, a famous stand up comedian, in one of his shows in New York said that;

 Traveling is the antidote to ignorance, that’s so true. It changes your mind, your perspective, how you believe, what you believe.

This is so true indeed. You realize how small you are in a big beautiful and diverse world. Those who feel like they are the best in their communities and far greater than their peers haven’t seen anything yet. They just need to step out and they will appreciate the little they are. Travelling has shown me how privileged my life has been. In Karamoja, where people have never seen tarmac and men still walk half naked, with one village so many kilometers away from its neighbor and the only accessible food is posho and rice, I couldn’t thank God enough for the simple things like water flowing from my tap, electricity in my house, the phone in my hands and the clothes on my body. I appreciated life. Whenever you feel that life is unfair, travel to a less privileged town and you will appreciate what you have. If you think you are the best, there are places to humble you as well. Just step out that door and go where you have never been, where they don’t even speak your language and you will be thankful to your creator.
Being unteachable

“Poverty and disgrace come to him who ignores instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is honored.” ~ Proverbs 13:18

This is the worst form of poverty anyone can subject themselves to. No one knows everything and everyday is a day to learn something new or better than what you knew. You can learn from anyone; from the smallest baby to the eldest person you meet. It’s exciting to discover something new or a truth you didn’t know or simply more about something you know. When you despise certain forms of learning or shun some people as unworthy to teach you anything, you are subjecting yourself to an even greater deal of poverty than the one who has no food. At least they know they have no food but you do not know how poor you are if your unteachable, and you can never go far in life.

“The unteachable man is sentenced to being taught only by experience. The tragedy is he reaches nothing further than his own pain.” ~ Criss Jamie


Broken family ties and no friends

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty” ~ Mother Teresa

Ever heard of the saying; No man is an island? Yes, you can never do anything on your own. You need that bodaboda guy, you need that purified water to drink, you need that house built for you, you that plane flown so you can get to the next country and most certainly, you will need someone to marry and have a family with. Even in your sleep, you need someone maintaining your security.

We are advised to choose our friends wisely and to treat them fairly because in turn, they will do the same for us but you cannot choose your family. I know they can be a tricky lot to deal with and may give you a hard time for some but at the end of the day, you need their blessing no matter where you go. There are exceptions of course, but generally you have to always know what is happening with your family members, pray for them, check on them if you can. I have shared with a lady friend whose brothers continued to be so dependent on the family especially the sisters who were more ambitious and did their best to be better in life. In such a case, help, yes, but don’t over help them that they will not learn to do something for themselves. Help them find their own path in life, they will appreciate you even more. Like one saying goes;

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. 

Your network

“Your network is your net worth.” ~ Porter Gale

Am a living testimony of this. If it weren’t for the people in my life, including you who is reading this, I would not be here today. Friends have gone so far to make me confortable, strangers have given me counsel I can never thank them enough for and so many acquaintances who continue to pour wisdom in my life. The testimony is long but am grateful for the people in my life. The lessons both bitter and sweet are invaluable. I couldn’t be more grateful.

You too need to have those people who inspire the best in you. Whom you can learn from and even those you can teach or share with. They will take you to places you may have never thought you would ever reach and leave you with experiences so rich you will never be able to thank them. Sorround yourself with the right people and let go of those who hold you back.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.” ~ African Proverb

Emotional intelligence

This is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection and influence.

“When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.” — Jess C. Scott

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” ~ Zig Ziglar

Need I say more?

#BreakingLymyts

Mom Goals

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

You’re the classic mom.

If anybody is going to fit into the mold of a “classic” parent, it’s definitely you. You cook for your kids because you love to, you’re the kind of person who wants to be there to pick them up from school, and read them a book before bed. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or not is totally irrelevant, you’re going to be a quintessentially awesome parent, and you kind of know it.

I love what am reading!!! Usually, am not one to follow the zodiac signs but who can resist anything good that describes them? A title with ‘being mom’ in it catches my attention, tickles my curiosity and voi·la!!! I like every bit of this mommy description, because that is really my dream. You can find out about the others at https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/38584051/posts/1423320063

Now this has made my mind wander run ahead in time to what tomorrow will be like when I am a mom. Every girl has that dream, though for some the unfairness of life makes them detest the idea of motherhood or they delay it as much as possible but deep down, it is a beautiful feeling we all harbor. As children, we had games where we played mom and you would pretty much mirror the things you see your mother do to and for you. Of course, this didn’t favor the mean moms who shouted at and beat up their kids because that is what the children would in turn do as they played with their friends. Now you know why some kids are not allowed to play with yours, eeh? Seriously,  think about it. Your kids maybe having a hard time keeping friends because they simply treat their friends unfairly and innocently so because it is what they know.

In the news yesterday, there was a rather heart wrenching story about a six year old who was defiled and strangled by three men. Details later clarified that one of the men was her maternal uncle, whom the mother had trusted would look after her as she also went out to catch up on what was left of the Easter celebrations. It was her brother and I cannot blame her at all, there was no way for her to know that a man she had been raised with would betray her like that. Many pointed their fingers at her saying she was careless but I think it’s an unfair judgement. Why would a grown up man, look at a six year old sexually? And then, not one but three men gang up on one little girl? This is monstrous, not human. Sometimes, I ask God why such people are allowed to walk this earth. But then again, if we didn’t have such happening around us, we would not be as vigilant and grateful as we ought to be. So much evil lives in this world with us that we do not see and it smiles at us every other day. Lord, grant us the grace to see through them.

Reminds me of an episode in a series I am watching, Criminal Minds, in which two women took matters in their own hands and hunted down the monsters who raped and killed their little girls. Separate incidents that the police took lightly, leaving the families in so much pain with no closure. The women found out who the culprits were, a group of them by the way, stupid men and a female accomplice who found it so interesting to fantasize about being with a young girl, 8 yrs old to be exact. They were chained by the arms and tied to the trunk of a car, which was then driven at a high speed for a few good miles. That pain of being dragged on tarmac and gravel, and such a disgraceful way to die, all because you lost your sense of responsibility for a moment. These women were nothing but bodies of bitterness at the hands of a selfish world and law enforcers that could not protect or help them.

I have also seen mothers who are outright careless, and show little care where their children are concerned. They leave the care of their kids to others. One I know personally always preferred her phone to playing with her son. He would crawl around filthy and picking up more dirt and eating it. He is always dirty and sick. She doesn’t bathe him in the morning and dips him in cold water whenever she remembers to bathe him. He will walk around all morning in the diaper she put on him before he went to bed the previous night. He doesn’t know what a potty is and will do his business anywhere, while on his feet. Of course the neighbors never want that child in their houses because they do not know when he will pee or poop. Not to mention how dirty he looks. I look at him and wonder what kind of man he is going to grow into and what kind of woman will marry him. It is such a pity.

But I have also seen awesome mothers, who make you want to have a child as soon as possible because they make it look so cool. Their kids are always happy and looking great. They do amazing things, like my neighbors daughter who took her first steps at 10 months. She amazes me! These women are always looking youthful like they didn’t just have a baby or four. They set the bar so high, yet it is the perfect picture you would love for yourself or the women in your life. My dream has always been to maintain my youthfulness especially after childbirth. Of course your priorities change but you still can maintain a few aspects of your life, especially the social and career/business life. Nothing is cooler than a woman who doesn’t lose herself just because she gave birth. I want to be the kind of mom who inspires my children to always be the best version of themselves. What better way to do it than to look it and live it in the kids’ presence?

For those who think that this is impossible, think again. I have learned that while you think something is impossible, there is someone out there making it happen. Always do some research and see how they pulled it off. Then learn from them and emulate them until you achieve the same goal for yourself. Motherhood takes tones of patience and a lot of sacrifice but like one beautiful Country song by Darius Rucker says, “It wont be like this for long”. A child’s life changes everyday from the moment they are born. From the first smile, to the first step, to the first day at school and so much more. Each moment is precious. You cannot afford to miss any moment. God knows if I can afford the life, I would rather be a stay at home mom. Someone close to me once shunned this idea, and I just couldn’t understand why, given she is a mother herself. Yes, the husbands lately aren’t as responsible as it used to be but it takes good planning and the right career to achieve this. A flexible job or business can give you this opportunity. So many of these are available all over the world, you just need to find the right one for you and you will afford to witness every moment of your child’s life without being a slave to another human being in the name of earning a living. It’s okay to have a job but do not stop looking for a way of earning the same money while having time for your family.

It’s so honorable being a mother. I can’t wait.

#BreakingLymyts

Random Thoughts 4

Dear Diary friends,

I just wanna rant a bit. Its about the things we girls don’t get about the boys we meet. Yes, they are boys because a grown man doesn’t disrespect a woman like this. At least I wanna believe that until proven otherwise. Well, here’s what my issue is.

Every boy is the nicest person when you meet, and vice versa. Expectations are also high on either side. But for the lady, it all goes higher when the he over promises what we hope he will deliver. Case in point is promising undying love which dies much sooner than promised. But maybe I shot too far there. Let me break it down, as best as I can. We’ll call the girl Lala and the boy Dipsy.

They meet at a social gathering and appreciate what they each see, moments later, Dipsy approaches Lala. They hit it off quite well and exchange contacts. Chatting back and forth and the calls are getting longer. He visits her and as her guest, she prepares a decent meal/snack. His turn comes to host her. The excitement is building up of course, until he unashamedly states that he expects her to do the cooking, and oh! Wash the dishes and his clothes and iron them too, give his place a thorough female touch too, because why? Your a woman and I am a man. Your supposed to take care of me. Total buzz kill. What happened to winning my heart over and officially bring me home so I can do all that for you? As your wife?

Let’s start over, in another place and time. We are leaving a party and Lala needs a ride to the main stage to get a bus home. Dipsy happened to be driving out after dropping a friend and offers a ride. The chit chat is quite interesting, he extends the ride to a nearer bus stop to her destination, just to have a little extra time with her. They exchange numbers and keep in touch, though he is such a random person. Almost unavailable at normal hours of the day but gets online late in the night. He picks her up one evening and they go for a movie. He explains his timetable and it’s quite understandable why he gets to the phone late. At least he makes an effort to check in, what else does a girl want? An ice cream date and dinner another week, they are getting on well. Then she travels for a few days for work and gets back to a pile of workload and doesn’t call him. He checks in and she apologises and just when they are about to make an appointment, he states that she ought to check on him because men are like babies. Total buzz kill. What happened to a man earning the respect he deserves and all the perks that come with it by acting like a real man? A real man takes charge and does for a woman what he expects her to do in turn. As in….? Please make the late Dr. Myles Munroe your friend (through his videos and books), he will teach you how to be a real man. Step up, please!

Sometimes I experience things with guys that I just don’t get. The stereotypes alone are way too annoying and it is worse if a fellow lady believes in them and gets herself hurt, can’t listen to advise because a stereotype says *****. How do we make relationships better? Girls are groomed everyday to be good wives but the boys are not taught be good husbands but rather to exploit the good girls. Expect her to cook for you, do your laundry, shopping and so many other things your mother was doing for you plus intimacy. Where do I as a woman find pleasure in a relationship if it’s all about pleasing the man? I need a drink!

The examples are so many! Sometimes you hear what other ladies have experienced and you laugh so hard and other times you are just outright pissed off by what these sons of women are capable of. In this little bubble I call my world, there certain standards I consider basic for any healthy relationship to begin. I live everyday learning from the best examples what it takes to make a great wife and an amazing mother, goals I want to achieve. And so help me God! But first, there are a few standards a girl expects the man to meet before anything serious can commence. So dear bachelors;

Companion or House help?

If you want to have a lady in your life, decide first and foremost WHY you need her. Is it to be your life companion or you just need someone to do your chores? If the latter is true, there is so many maids for hire, who will do your cleaning and can fix you enough food for a week. Please do not subject someone’s daughter/sister to such lowliness just because you can. Taking on house chores after you marry her is an honor, because you have given her a home and she will naturally love to maintain the environment for you and herself. So please, if you have not married her yet, no matter how serious the relationship is, when she visits, she is still your guest. Give her a treat. Respect her.

Booty call?

Now why would you turn a nice girl into a whore? Leave alone those who intentionally offer themselves, by the way, they too were good girls who were taken advantage of but had no one to help them stay in line. So as you see that lady you so much want to hold and feel, think of how to make her your wife first. Then you will have all the freedom to have fun with her. I have seen innocent ladies suffer immensely because of the selfish interests of unruly men. Some have paid with their lives after getting pregnant and he insists you abort or even doses you without your knowledge or consent. This life!!! Lord, help your daughters.

Friends with benefits?

This is a different arrangement, and one I would respect but I also expect it to be agreed upon by both parties. Not a guy taking advantage of a lady by initiating this arrangement, while letting her believe the relationship is serious. I have witnessed this myself. The lady wakes up to news of a wedding/engagement of the same guy she has hopes in, but it is not her in the picture. Very devastating I must say. And this brings to life one particular proverb that says; “Familiarity breeds contempt”. The level of engagement you have with someone can easily be turned into hate of the same magnitude. So now you know why where there was so much love, you suddenly witness such contempt you wonder where all the love evaporated to. So guys please, don’t initiate what you cannot maintain and should you have good intentions but along the way wish to walk away, communicate with her. It will sting but you will walk away more peacefully, else you will be looking over your shoulder all the time until further notice. I wouldn’t want to live this kind of life.

I will say no more. Will continue to pray for a respectful and responsible future husband.

#BreakingLymyts

 

 

 

Diamonds

I believe so much now, more than ever before that there is a diamond inside each of us. And every single person in your life intends to explore and harvest the mine you are. Some will be blind to your beauty because like real diamonds, we are each covered in earth. Those who don’t have the vision to see what a precious jewel you are will try to bury you or throw you away like dirt, they will do so much to prove you don’t shine and/or aren’t meant to. I met one of those and it nearly cost me my life. But that’s a story for another day, am not here to talk about pain and all those things that leave us feeling tarnished. Am only here to remind you of how precious you are.

Earlier today, while watching one of my favourite TV shows; The Voice based in the US, Blake Shelton, one of the coaches and also my favourite country artist, while commenting on a contestant’s performance said that;

We are each a diamond within but covered in earth, and we have to shake it off and shine.

This spoke to me. It spoke right at me and I rewound the episode a few seconds just to hear it again. It dawned on me that we spend a lot of time waiting on somebody else to be discovered, to be unearthed and shown off and not realise we can do it ourselves. Our culture, especially here in Uganda, is so anti-ambition. I don’t hear many stories of people stepping out on their own to pursue a dream, or more so be supported. And a good number of those who defied the odds often waited too long to do it. I read and watch stories of women and men waking up to a better choice of career after wasting a lot of time in a very unrewarding career. Smart brains for the entrepreneurial world are still stuck in the corporate world. They just won’t dare take a leap of faith. Of late, you will be half encouraged to venture into the business world beside your day time job, which comes with a strong emphasis on the fact that that passion your pursuing is only a side gig in comparison to your being employed. They would rather have you get laid off, than encourage you to walk away before it happens.

I have ventured away from the corporate world and I cannot say I have had much support. I am still struggling, not giving up, I have a lot to learn and I fear that I have made the wrong choices in that area of life. I believe if I had had the support when I first started, it would be different but that is just an excuse at the end of the day. It is all still up to me; it is up to me to shake all the dirt off and shine. Because a shine that you give yourself cannot ever be taken away.

You might be thinking about what kind of dirt your covered in and how to shake it off. The dirt is disguised in various forms of feelings and insecurities that surround us. The dirt could also be people with influence in our lives. Let’s explore a few examples:

  • Self-esteem is one of the heaviest dirt we are covered with. The lower your self esteem, the thicker the dirt on you and, therefore, the less you shine. And we are each totally in charge of shaking this one off. Others can influence and advise but until you make a decision to shine and push through the criticism, and all that makes you feel inadequate, you wont shine. Like Meghan Good’s character in the movie Love by the 10th Date said; I am enough, you too have to feel that you are enough always. Its the only way to summon the courage within and shine on. Read Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins for more.

 

  • Friends influence us in many ways. Great speakers and life coaches have often said, you are the average of your five closest friends. If you walk with nine fools, you become the tenth. We don’t always pay attention to who we relate with because we naturally lean toward those who think like us, as opposed to befriending those who think differently and challenge us. We all want it the easy way. But guess what? Those who make it easy for you are not helping you. Am not saying get yourself hooked up with someone who makes your life miserable, but rather engage with those who stretch you beyond your weaknesses and bring out the best in you. You ought to become better through your associations.

 

  • Family influence is by far the strongest form there is. And it gets worse if the family doesn’t help you to grow and stand out. I recently was part of a conversation and we shared about family blessings and curses. Someone said that you find a particular family always finds favor while others struggle. We have seen families whose lineage always stands out; from business, to politics, to sports, et cetera. Even in the religious life in the case of Catholics. Yet others it is one downfall after another and they always wonder why. Prayer has a lot of fixing it does, but our thinking too has to change if we are to break away from this. You have to stop blaming your inadequacy on a family curse and make up your mind to find the right associations and influences to help you achieve your goals. Some families are partially successful and those who have made it do not want others to rise up too, they want to hold the torch alone and they do so much to keep others down. I am still witnessing this around me and I do my best to help where I can but it still comes down to you as an individual.

 

  • Bullies are my worst. They just always have a trick up their sleeve to belittle and mock and discourage their targets from breaking through. They laugh at your little honest effort to make a change, they take away/deny you what you need to make the next step. They dominate your world, wanting to know your every move and thought. They usually are people with no vision for themselves and cannot bear the thought of someone they deem below their standard making it farther than they have. They are sometimes family and close friends who instead of encouraging you, oppose you. They are hard to ignore because they are loud and pushy but ignoring them and focusing on your goal eventually shuts them up, especially when your results start to show. Read The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson.

 

  • Stereotypes are those limiting beliefs we have been programmed to live by. Girls aren’t supposed to do that or cannot do this, a man is supposed to be this, et cetera. We all have them and in many different aspects of our lives. But deep down we feel crippled and tied down by these stereotypes and must rise above them if we want to blossom and shine through. One I have been told many times is that I have to work for somebody (a job) until I am 40 years before I can start my own business or follow my passions. I do not believe this even for a day. If that were so, David in the Bible, who killed Goliath was a child but even God saw his ability to triumph over the mighty warrior and made a way for him. We wouldn’t have enjoyed movies like the Sound of Music, and many others with children starring in lead roles, music sensations like Justin Beiber and Rihanna in the 2000s and many more. We should learn to see through these limitations and prove our strength which is beyond what anyone thinks should be the norm.

Like Beyonce said in an interview about the top ten success principles she lives by,

“We are all superstars and were born to shine.”

Start today and work on yourself, the rest will follow and you will figure out your path. But before you do, start polishing up; your esteem and confidence, your natural talents and gifts, etc. Find what excites you and explore it, who knows where it will lead you and above all, how happy and fulfilled your life will be.

Shine bright like a diamond.

#BreakingLymyts

Proactive Habits

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Today, I received very valuable feedback from someone I look up to lately. A lady whose name pops up in several headlines and is quite a memorable person. I specifically engaged with her because I saw in her someone I could emulate and I wasn’t wrong. Today’s conversation was proof of that. And to sum it up, she recommended one area to improve about myself in one word; PROACTIVE.

This is one word that am sure even you have heard being used here and there and maybe like me, its real meaning had not properly related to you yet. I know I have heard and read it in may places but I think what I hadn’t properly related to was how it applied to my own self. God knows I would be so embarrassed if someone said that I have advised them to be proactive before because right now it’s almost a new word to me. However, with a few examples of current events, I was able to properly see what it meant. And then it sank in, the piece to the puzzle that I have been missing. Why everything has been slow for me lately and why I felt like all was against me in a way. It dawned on me in that moment, that I was being reactive, which in turn led me to think that something outside of me had to change for me to be better. Note that I had left this line of thinking way back and this was like a relapse of sorts. But let me share what it means to be proactive and a few steps am gonna take to improve in that area. I knew this, but I didn’t know that I did.

Proactive means acting in anticipation of future problems, needs, or changes.

It is a word that was coined to describe the kind of person who’s always looking into the future in order to be prepared for anything. The opposite of reactive. For example; a good parent attempts to be proactive on behalf of his or her children, trying to imagine the problems they might be facing in a few months or years and acting accordingly.

Stephen R Covey, in his book ‘The 7 habits of Highly Effective People’, had this to say;

Your life doesn’t just “happen.” Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.

Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can’t keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are “response-able.” They don’t blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power–you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language–I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language–I can’t, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do–they have no choice.

Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas–Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern–things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive. 

Reading this text shone a light on some of the things I stopped doing which had helped me maintain a proactive attitude and also highlighted some of the new habits that I need to adopt in order to be better as a person but even so, more productive on a daily. Maybe they could work for you too. Let’s explore them;

  • I am “Response-able” like Stephen Covey says there. This only highlights the power we each have over the situations we are in or the events that happen to and around us. It simply means you have the ability to respond. Note that is ‘respond’ and not ‘react’. There is a difference between the two words though I have people use them interchangeably. Always remembering that you have the power over every situation gives you a better judgement to make a clear decision which will always favor you.

 

  • Know your day: Plan ahead what your day will entail. It is advised to do this before you go to bed but some people do it better early morning. I am one of those. I would rather be an hour early and have a moment to sort out what I have to do than scribble my to-do list before bed because I tend to lose touch with the urgency of the activities planned that way, yet what I plan in the morning, I execute to absolute satisfaction.

 

  • Live in the future: This is simply to say always think ahead of your current situation, this way you can easily anticipate outcomes and possible solutions that may save you time and resources. We tend to live so much in the moment and find ourselves stranded or in an emergency situation. I have learnt the hard way to always be ahead and on top of everything.

There are so many points I could but let’s first digest these ones and we will share more in a future post.

#BreakingLymyts

True Story

Joining university was such an honor for him, more of a dream come true. It was a place he never thought he would ever reach after his father passed away six years back. He had faced the harsh reality of saying farewell to a man who was not just his father, but a youthful vibrant soul whose life had only just began. A man whose dream of raising his young family was no more, whose goal of building a house for his family hadn’t even gone past the foundation and had worked so hard for his children to go to the best schools. His wife was just a young woman, robbed of a lover who had shouldered the world for her happiness and comfort, and gladly she had mothered three sons for him. Together they could see the future they wanted for their family. But death knows no love, for it takes whenever it sees fit. She was faced with the challenge of maintaining their children’s lives as they were which she successfully did, even though they do not know exactly how she managed.

It wasn’t easy on him either. But despite all the ups and downs, he blossomed into a young man, hopeful and ambitious, with a heart of gold, and for whom a new journey had just began. Acing the high school examinations, he had scored himself government sponsorship to one of the finest business colleges in the country. But before he could graduate and be the fine man he is today, there were a few lessons he had to learn. Just a few experiences to live, which would shape his character and define him as a man. One in particular was the love of a woman, which you should know by now, comes in all shapes and sizes. It will make or break you, and for him, a fine package awaited.

She was slender, of average height, not the pretty type but certainly very likable. Born and raised in the capital, she knew her way around and treated him to quite a number of interesting adventures. He began to like her as more than just a friend, and she knew, without a doubt, that she had him. Truth is she did. The kind of guy whose mother had raised to be honest, fair to others and never ever to ill treat a woman. In all his innocence, he was sure he had found his dream girl, the one he would present to his mother. A mother who had instilled in him all the highest Christian values, on which he based his fine judgement. He made a promise to her that he would stand by her and do his best to support her, after all, she was his girl. He was quite resourceful too. So much that he never called home to ask for upkeep but managed with the college allowances he received as a government sponsored student. She admired him a lot and told him so, until the trickstar in her emerged.

To her, he lost his innocence and gave his all. But was she grateful for that? Not long after they had started dating, she began to complain that he wasn’t caring enough. When he waved at a female friend, even those she knew so well, it was unacceptable. When he wanted to hangout with his friends, he was being unfaithful and when he stayed up late to read, he had to have been with another girl. We hear that city girls are very opportunistic and cunning, but he surely didn’t get the memo. He was about to witness a series of tricks that left all the trust in him so insufficient even for himself.

It was a day like any other; mid morning, afternoon lectures coming up, fine weather and plans to play soccer later with his friends while his girl cheered from the sidelines like she had always been doing. All was going alright, when his phone rang. A soft hello from the other side, and all the alarm bells started ringing in his head. In all the things he had imagined doing for her, sickness hadn’t made it to the list. But she wasn’t exactly sick, she had what should have been amazing news but for a college student, it was horrifying news. She had taught him much but not how to avoid a pregnancy. The weak voice suddenly climaxed to a boss lady like tone. A whole list of ‘You better not’s followed and he listened half attentively. The only concern weighing on his mind was; “How the heck am I gonna tell mum about this? Well, she didn’t care. All she needed was a list of supplies and enough pocket change. Day One, Two,….Fifteen, she still kept it up, and not once did he think of taking her for a pregnancy test, neither did he tell anyone about it, for he would have been advised to schedule a test. But she also never gave him a chance to consult with others because she had threatened to call his mother should he act otherwise.

Having dated for almost a year, she knew who mummy or brother or sister was, and played her cards well. Well aware of how much he respected his mother, she made sure to save her contact in her own phone book for those moments she needed to manipulate him. And this moment was the finest of all. Girls usually have those friends who are generally sharper and more manipulative even to themselves within their circle and should they hear of an opportunity to squeeze even the most little of shillings out of you, they will be the sweetest you have ever met. He didn’t think of all that either. He was the most reliable guy any woman would ever wish for, easily threatened and pushed around. To say the least, he was NICE, if you thought that was only for girls. He is the kind that reminds you of the fact that there still great men out there. Three months of taunting this innocent young man later, she calls him from a supposed hospital bed to say she couldn’t keep the baby and therefore, aborted it. And no, she didn’t allow him to visit her. She only made sure he doesn’t dump her. And he stayed. He was in a corner no sane man wants to ever find himself, that corner where he is under a woman’s control. Why? Because she would call his mother. Everyone wants to protect their image especially in the eyes of the people who have the most influence on us, like mothers. Your sins just cannot get to her, and so he played along.

A few months later, it happened again. And this time there was sufficient weight gain visible to support it. Usually, when a woman is pregnant, she adds on a few kilograms in weight and at least he knew about this. And again, he was the responsible boyfriend. Answering her every call and treating her to all that she asked. She at one time asked for a certain amount of money he did not have and then, determined not to be bossed around by a woman, declined to offer it. She dialed his mother’s number right there and then, as it was dialing, he confirmed that it was actually the correct number and he begged for his dear life to be spared. He literally knelt in front of her and swore to comply. Over the months, he could see that she looked quite different, not enough to ascertain a baby on board but he had to be nice if he didn’t want ‘mama’ to know. One night during the ninth month, she calls to say she had had a still birth. He mourned! But even more than mourning, he questioned his sanity because somewhere in her first trimester, he had introduced her to his mother, who didn’t like her at all and had voiced her concerns to him.

In this moment, mama’s voice re-echoed in his head and her message cut through his heart. He had to make a choice, and this time it didn’t matter whether she called his mother or not. He figured if he was going to be a happy man, she wasn’t part of that equation and he had to get her out of his life. And so after their final year at college, he asked her for some time off. And they both agreed to that. She eventually got a job within the same town he lived and worked there for about a year and later got herself another job based in the UAE, and left the country. With that, the relationship ended officially.

He graduated and got a fine job with a government entity and is an impressive picture of success. His mother is proud of him, and he also met a fine lady whom the mother appreciated. As a good friend of his, am saving for the prettiest dress a girl can wear to a wedding as worthy as theirs.

#BreakingLymyts