I recently chanced on an audio book on YouTube about Self Esteem. I was minding my own business, just looking for a particular book by George Orwell to listen to when this title The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden caught my eye.  Self esteem, I must admit, is one of the most common issues we deal with in our everyday life, like it or not. I have had my fair share of ups and lows where this is concerned. But this book, read by author himself, has given me a new perspective on how I see myself, feel about myself ,think about myself and others at large. Therefore, when a friend of mine had a question to ask of me, I couldn’t help but notice the source of his discomfort. Somewhere within him, he feels insecure and found the perfect excuse to project this.

My friend wanted to know why I deactivated “Read Receipts” on Whatsapp. My answer of course was to avoid stress factors called “complaints” about not replying messages; whether because I delayed to or intentionally ignored the person and also when am ignored by someone who I was really hoping would answer and am left feeling so awful about myself. I would rather not know that you saw my message and ignored me, you know. Of course, self esteem comes into play here. We tend to tie how good or happy we feel on other people’s responses to us. Should they ignore or openly reject you, boy or boy, one is left crying a river, feeling the worst about themselves and more so, sinking deeper in the quicksand called self pity. Not a beautiful place to be in case you didn’t know.

Well, I had to ask why he was bothered by my choice to remove read receipts and he said, it is common of girls with multiple boyfriends and are never to be trusted. I argued of course, that was their reason, I had mine. We talked about it some more and he made it clear that he would require his lady to have read receipts or he would consider her unfaithful. I told him how I thought that kind of insecurity was baseless and tried to show him that all he had to do was build the right foundation for the relationship instead of relying on such a facade. Bottom line is, I know where that came from, I was there before. See, if you do not know exactly what you want in any given relationship, anything will be a threat to you. Even worse when you do not communicate. Earlier today, I came across this Portuguese idiom;

“He who doesn’t communicate, gets his fingers burnt.”

There are far more insecurities we deal with everyday that may go unnoticed by us because they come across as the natural way to feel or react to circumstances. I am sure you have skipped an activity you would so much have loved to be apart of, simply because you feel it is not for you, you wouldn’t fit in, right? Well, where is it written if I may ask? Who decided it is not for people like you? What would happen if you went for it anyway? These kinds of awkward feelings make us act insignificant and guess what, the universe responds to what you offer it and don’t be surprised if every time you feel less of yourself, everybody else treats you so.

I recently learned the hard fact about money. If you look for it, you won’t find it. It knows how to hide and play hard to get. If you define what you stand for and work toward fulfilling that particular purpose, regardless of whether you have the money or not, somehow the resources avail themselves. You will all of a sudden get insights on how to raise the funds. I have practiced this for the past two years and I have not been disappointed. Make it all about the money, and nothing will get done, decide on your end goal and get started regardless and the money will show up without you sweating so much. I am sharing this lesson with my friends, one person at a time. See, some things aren’t bought if you sell them to a group. One bad mouth will always kill the buzz for everyone else. Take it easy.

The insecurity of inferiority got a friend of mine in trouble last week. She had a toothache and I suggested a clinic for her to visit. But in her heart she thought she would never afford it and went to another lesser clinic somewhere and the results did not disappoint. She is in immeasurable pain right now because the guy did a bad job, broke her tooth and now she has a surgical case on her hands. This procedure is going to cost her way more than she would have spent, had she visited the right clinic as advised. Do not judge yourself from the lesser point of view at any one time in your life. Whether you have millions of money to your name or not, you deserve royal treatment and you shouldn’t settle for less because you think you can’t afford it. Many great men have left us warnings and signs and one of them reads;

“What your mind can conceive, you can achieve.”

Save yourself the trouble darling and go for the best. There is always a way, always. Therefore, don’t shy away from the best hotels in town, or the best boutiques, or the best vacations. You can always find a way to have it all. Simply decide what it is you want and a plan will come to you to make it all happen.

Define your standards and set clear boundaries for yourself and others in your life. This is one sure way I have managed to overcome my insecurities. By knowing exactly what I want and eventually how to get it, so many stereotypes have vanished from my life. Someone has done it before, find out about them and see how they did it. There is always someone out there who knows a thing or two about what you want that you don’t, ask them about it. Just like you, everyone has a past, tastes and preferences and so many other unique things about them, embrace it all. Learnt about them and what they like, see how to harmonize with them and learn from, as well as teach them something. It is better than hating on them for no justifiable reason but your insecurities.



Letters: Anonymous

Dear friend,

Life deals us cards that we each interpret as we choose, and whatever the choice, there are consequences. For some, it’s an enviably jolly or seemingly smooth life and for others, it is a rough ride. I believe it is no one’s place to judge another because our experiences, and our interpretations, vary.

I have observed for a while now, that a lot is going on in your life, so much that you choose to keep to yourself, which is okay, except that it is visibly killing you not to share your life with us. The way you scream at your child says you are unhappy and partly blame the little one for your misery. Your spouse was the friendliest person we’d ever met, but now he won’t so much as say hello to a neighbor, because you got in the way of that. And the only times you have come to us, was only when situations had blown over and not much could be done to help. This has left you feeling unloved and neglected.

He complained about your attitude, and how much it is taking it’s toll on him. You check his phone and scream at whatever feminine content you see, regardless of what he has to say. You don’t care for your child as well as you ought to. Leaving him dirty and wandering around with no basic training like what to do when he wants to ease himself. People are naturally drawn to toddlers but they avoid yours because of that. We can see that it annoys you, but why should anyone do what you ought to do yourself?

You’re caught up in your own perfection that you miss the errors of your choices. The negative effects it is having on your family. You have made it hard for new people to approach you, who would make great friends and advisers. It may look cool from where you stand, feeling better than most and striving to be like the socialites most young women admire, but where you are now requires that you be more. As a woman, a mother, a wife. You have to aim for bigger, more fulfilling and rewarding goals, with which you will bless those around you. Especially your household.

Life is what we make it, for a fact. If you want the life you envision, the life with moments you envy about the other neighbors, you have to let people in and embrace them even more. No one will share pie with your son, if they know you do not like him playing with their kids. No one will come to your rescue at the break of a domestic fight, because the one battering you, you didn’t like him associating with others. Sort of you are getting what you asked for. But maybe the social aspect of himself would have kept him happier in your home too.

Open your heart to life. Life is people. People have drama. Drama makes moments. Moments become memories to treasure.

We each have the power to build the life that we will look back on and smile with pride. You can build friendships that will keep your life bright and smiling even at the worst moments in life. With these people, you can share experiences that you will tell your children and grandchildren in yonder years. You can contribute to a social life that will set your child up for life. You have heard the saying that; Your network is your net worth.

Your beautiful, full of life, with a great sense of humor, pretty stylish, with loads of potential. You’re a Phenomenal woman. Share it with others and they will enrich your life too. One Kenyan TV personality, Caroline Mutoko said that parenthood is a choice. She emphasized the decisions women ought to be aware of if they are to be the best mothers they can be. You can watch it here.


PS: Here’s a beautiful poem by Maya Angelou that blesses me every time I read it. For you; Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman


Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman


Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman


Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need for my care.

’Cause I’m a woman


Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.


This letter is to no one in particular but should it touch you, then you have something to adjust about yourself. It is a combination of errors I see young women like me making where they should know better. We learn from each others mistakes and I have made a fair share of mine. Some inspired this article.

#BreakingLymyts #LetsSoar

Is Karma Always a Bitch?

If 2017 was a person, I would hug her so tight, kiss her cheeks every five minutes and tell her how grateful I am for her. But it will never be human nor ever materialize. Nevertheless, I am grateful for this year. For in it, I have found my footing, been healed beyond my expectations, grown and blossomed and even more importantly, learnt to let go of a past that had, for so long, held me back.

2016 was rough, I reaped what I sowed and it tasted bitter. I regretted so many choices I made, paid with physical and emotional pain, felt my life snatched out of my hands and I thought there was no coming back for me. But in this year, I met angels. They lifted me up and reminded me of the greatness lying within me. Showed me how to look within and draw from my strength and face the world.

I am still a student of my own self and while this journey continues, I have severally met my own advice, re-echoed to me by people it has worked for. Just moments ago, while thinking about about a topic to share about here, I was deep in conversation with my niece and nephew about role playing in a relationship and this boy re-echoes something I said to him, which he has lived since the moment he made sense of the advice. That was the third time he was shoving my own advice right in my face, because I was walking against it. Talk about Karma!

Once upon a time, a young man came my way and asked me to help him grow as a person and be a better man. This included listing at least five things a better man ought to embody in his everyday life plus continuous counsel and reprimand as need arises. I accepted and we have shared about so much. But one outstanding point I made, was for him to cut off all the negative energy and focus on his strengths, even the least of them, as long it lifted up his spirit when applied. This meant cutting off dad and mum for a while because they were his weakest point. He told them to cut him some slack as he gets his game straight. Well being a boy, sometimes he just disappeared for a while. It worked wonders for him. He gained peace of mind, some weight and is my personal accountability partner, we don’t let each other off just for just.

Fast forward, I found myself stuck in a family feud and seriously letting it take over my being. He sat me down and asked me a question. And I quote; “What did you tell me about negative energy?” I looked angaz. I honestly couldn’t place a finger on what exactly I had said to him, well  partly because I am overly bubbly if you’re accommodating of it. I’m learning to listen more. But well, he re-played the message for me, as accurately as he could that I could clearly envision exactly where we were when I told him so. I smiled and quit whining and fixed the problem, cutting off whoever seemed hell bent on blocking my progress. I wrote it down somewhere.

In another conversation today, more like an argument, we talked about ladies wanting a man that can cook and do the chores but have forgotten that we ought to assist. Two ladies against one guy, we complained about today’s men who expect you to be an excellent homemaker when they do not even know the basics of homemaking, like taking care of themselves, insisting that you can’t demand what you can’t measure. Again, he picks on me and reminds me that I made him the great guy we were admiring this morning. He fixed us breakfast and ironed what we were going to wear today. You can imagine the warmth to our hearts. Until he reminded me that I told him, he had to be what he wanted in a woman. If he wants a great cook, he ought to know what great food tastes like by learning how to cook it. Trust me, I can’t cook as well as he does now. I go home happy because I know I won’t find clothes on the floor or dirty dishes. He cleans up good. I don’t know if I will find a man as great as him and he happily told me to be the great woman a man like him will choose. Jeez karma!

On another occasion, I gave relationship advice to a friend. I forgot about it. I told her to break up with her then boyfriend, citing that he didn’t love her. Why? He always put everyone and everything else ahead of her. It took a while but she acted on my advise and ended the relationship. It was tempting to give in to his pleas but what I had told her to look out for as signs of sincerity didn’t manifest and she left him completely. Last year I was in the same situation. In too deep by the time I opened up to her and she re-echoed the same advise. I took my time letting go and paid a heavy price. Glad she didn’t say I told you so. Sweet soul!

Today, I commented on a friend’s post about guys who want intelligent ladies for wives. I said;

Intelligent attracts intelligent.

By the time you are looking for the intelligence, you lack it yourself.

So first work on you and she will come along.

Don’t look for her, attract her by being what you want in her.

And vice versa.

So am documenting it here in case I need to refer to it again soon. To remind myself that I am the intelligent woman, heaven sent for my knight in shining armor. Yes, he doesn’t have to be the fairy tale kind of guy, I wouldn’t buy it, but he will sweep me off my feet. You will tell me about it, I know. Hahaha. I will leave you with this small piece by a one @iambrillyant;


PS: Karma is not always a bitch. Sometimes it comes back around to bless you.

A moment of Thought

I want to believe that I am justified to say that I have experienced quite a bit in my short life. To some people, I look unscratched by a bad thing in this life and have also been told, I seem to come from a very privileged place compared to others. While I appreciate my background and agree that, indeed compared to some out there, I have had a fair share of life, just like everyone out there, I have also registered a fair share of scars. From playing the wrong games, to being outright attacked by other beings in this world.

I am the kind of person you will throw punches at and I won’t retaliate. Mainly because in that moment, I won’t know how, since fighting back has always been a taboo and a sign of disrespect especially if the person involved was in any way superior to me. And so, I tend to take life somewhat softly, a fact that has clearly worked against me. I have learned to speak up and not be pressed down, but applying this is still a hustle. So while I may get comfortable in certain circles, the more dominant characters still get me shaking in my own skin.

This kind of demeanor landed me in the arms of one very handsome young man, who despite having such a charming character and a presence that commands respect, chose to do the most despicable thing a lover can do to another. I was left torn, my will broken and for a decent while, bedridden. Unapologetically, he took my life in his own hands and walked away like I did not matter. This whole experience left me crippled physically for a while but more especially crippled mentally and emotionally. And without the emotional state to face everyday life, my little empire which was carefully growing, was left unattended to and collapsed right before my eyes.

Left with nothing but self-doubt and regret, no one would get me out of the house. In my mind it was all over, I was finished and had no hope of ever rising again. I gave in to my loss, blaming myself for all that happened. After all, if I am as smart as people say, I should have seen it all coming. And thus, I vowed to never talk about it. Along the way, a great friend and true brother decided he won’t let me sink further. He saw in me more strength than I believed I had. And so, one day at a time, he pulled me out of my depression. I love to read, so what better way to get to my core, right? A short video today, and a book tomorrow, he steadily got me to believe in life again.

Ever since then, I have picked inspiration from all over the place and have come a long way on my recovery journey. And along this journey, I have learned a number of facts and truths and also come to my own conclusions which I am sure will get me to where I want to be. And that’s at the TOP! One of these conclusions is that; WRITING IS THERAPY! While dancing around my pain, I have also slowly offloaded a number of other frustrations, read quite a bit more about abnormal situations witnessed and now I desire to break through the major frustrations I have had to deal with. One manageable chunk at a time, for I wouldn’t want to find myself swimming in a sea of emotions I can’t tame.

When you’re in love, it shows. – Andy Rooney

I stand by my belief that love in itself, is everything good. What hurts about love is the people who abuse it and more especially, the expectations we attach to the idea of love. It has become so plastic that many women are innocently losing a whole chunk of themselves to selfish men. I read a heart wrenching story on Facebook recently by a woman who had recently lost a child. She said;

I have suffered labor pains. I did not hold my baby alive. I was told to abort by the person responsible. I stood strong all through it. I paid my hospital bill single-handedly. I made shopping for my child alone, what worse thing do I have in store? I slept on the same bed with the body of my dead child because I did not have mortuary fees after he refused to pick up the body. What is worse than that?

I do not know if I would recover from that. There are worse stories I have encountered and I have one question for the men who abandon a woman they have impregnated. You had the balls to lay her, what gives you the authority to just walk away, leaving her stranded with your child? So many questions run through my mind that I sometimes think I do not want to hear the answers to them. The pain of being wounded by the one person you wholeheartedly gave yourself to is immeasurable.

As women, what are we not told about relating with a man? Why is it that many women find themselves in the hands of irresponsible, violent, disrespectful and immature men? What do we need to know, what do we have to do, what should we learn to be better people and attract better men?

While writing this, I took a break and another story was narrated to me by a close friend about a young girl who, having been orphaned at a young age, had no where to go after completing her university course. With a final project to complete and submit, she didn’t have the option of going back home in Northern Uganda. She tried a few relatives she knew but they would not take her in. One friend did. A male friend with whom they had grown close while at university. She is just about 20 years old and while he was accommodating and hadn’t forced her into a sexual relationship, they lived together like a couple, sharing most of everything until he beat her. An innocent game, a fun moment when she least suspected anything to anger him, he threatens her. “Naah! I have lived with him a while, she thought, he wouldn’t raise his hand against me. He is my best friend”  She came to it covered in bruises. To this day she cannot understand what happened. She left him and wondered around a bit and was lucky to find help, then was settled into an apartment of her own. She still feels insecure and looks over her shoulder all the time. She didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

In this moment, I let my mind wander, prodding the quality of the relationships of today and what they really mean. As a young woman, so many fears arise when it comes to my relationship goals. But while all is as it is, there are great men out there. I see them treat their ladies well, so many wedding meetings in town. Surely, those can’t be irresponsible men proposing to amazing women. I guess the puzzle is on when my own responsible, loving, mature, visionary and respectful man will come along. And in this moment, I am reminded to leave it to God and simply be the best version of me that I can be.

There is no rush. Just relax. If you’re like me, keep in mind that in God’s time, it will happen for you too. Trust in the Lord. Believe in yourself.




My Obsessions: Country Music

You don’t know a thing about love songs until you have listened to Don Williams. Described as gigantic in physical appearance, his voice is equally strong and imposing to the ear. Deep, gentle and yet sure, every sound of it tugs at your heart, leaving you feeling things you shouldn’t be feeling in the first place, thinking about people you shouldn’t be thinking about; if they exist, yet you cannot resist it’s effect. I love his lyrics, his sound. I love Country music. Leave alone reading about it in books, listening to Country songs was my first real experience of love.

LOVE…. that emotion that has been associated with so much good and bad, so much joy and sorrow and all other kinds of emotions, given various definitions and represents something different to every single person in this world. We don’t even understand how much God loves us. We read it in the Bible but we do not live up to that measure of love. And when it comes to the romantic kind of love, I personally cannot begin to describe the joy and pain I have experienced. But if you were to ask me to reference some love songs, I would quickly list a number of song titles from the genre of Country.

From Islands in the Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, to Living on Love by Alan Jackson, to fresh relationship advise from the gentle giant himself, Don Williams. He will tell you that Flowers won’t Grow in gardens of Stone, the ground must be tended, reminding us that we must put in the work for the love to grow and stand the test of time. He sings about falling love, enjoying the bliss of being in love, struggling in love and being heartbroken. God gifted him with a voice that moves your heart within your chest as you listen to him sing.

This gentle giant left this world on the 8th day of September, 2017, leaving a huge feeling of longing in my heart. He recorded some of the best love songs of all time, I never understand why they are rarely played at weddings in this country.  Ooh at mine, they will be heard in plenty. I have also found comfort and reassurance in lyrics like these;

I can see your heart is achin’
He hurt you more than he knew
But should you ever want to love again
I’ll be faithful to you.

You’ve been crying like a willow
When the night bird sings so blue
Trust was broken but hearts will heal
And I’ll be faithful to you.

In this world of pain and sorrow
Where a promise won’t hold true
Here’s a vow you can be sure of
I’ll be faithful to you.

So let me dry away your lonesome tears
Like the sun melts morning dew
And I will wrap you up in true, true love
And I’ll be faithful to you.

In this world of pain and sorrow
Where a promise won’t hold true
Here’s a vow you can be sure of
I’ll be faithful to you.

I’ll be faithful to you…

We all want that kind of commitment in our relationships. But again he is realistic, and sang that Some broken hearts never mend,  and re-echoes this pain in another song, It Only Rains on Me in which he says;

Broken dreams and drowned parades,
Lovers who just slip away
Guess I learn to live that way,
It only rains on me.

The gentle giant agrees that while you’re in love, you sometimes cannot express how you feel but can;

Listen to the radio

“The words I’d say
Don’t seem to sound as real
The songs they play
That’s how I really feel, so.”

You’re falling in love with these songs already, huh? There over two hundred songs he left us with. And you cannot miss his humor in some of the lyrics like I believe in You;


I dont believe virginity
Is as common as it used be
In workin’ days and sleepin’ nights
That black is black and white is white
That Superman and Robinhood
Are still alive in Hollywood
That gasoline’s in short supply
The risin’ cost of gettin’ by

But I believe in love
I believe in old folks
I believe in children
I believe in you.

I believe in love
I believe in babies
I believe in mom and dad
And I believe in you.

We have lived in the Shelter of Your Eyes, loving you Desperately, and believe in Falling in Love Again because there is Just Enough Love, we should be Running out of Reasons to Run, and we are now sure that when all is failing, you gave us a Shot full of Love, to last us Till All the Rivers Run Dry, and all the prayer to say is Lord, I Hope this Day is Good.

There is so much more to write about Don Williams’s music, It Must be Love, but I won’t pretend I know it all. Besides, he is not the only one I am obsessed with when it comes to this genre. The uniqueness of this music introduced me to a whole world of love, pain, and lyrics that are so true, I cannot think of a topic without a Country song to match it. From matters of the heart, to raising a family, to working on a job, to being a soldier, drinking beer, being a man, being a woman, remembering the faithful departed, etc. This music genre explores everyday life, to a point of writing, recording and releasing a song about a particular event just a couple months after it happened. Alan Jackson’s Where Were You (When the world stopped turning) relates with the events of 9/11, when the twin towers in USA were bombed by terrorists in 2001, killing so many people and wounding countless others.

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin’ against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don’t know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white and blue
And the heroes who died just doin’ what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters?

I’m just a singer of simple songs
I’m not a real political man
I watch CNN but I’m not sure I can tell
You the difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love


[Chorus x2]

And the greatest is love.
And the greatest is love.

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?

May the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. They left a world full of disgruntled souls. Dolly Parton complained about working 9 to 5. And true, some of these employers are a total thorn in your foot. She said;

Workin’ 9 to 5,
What a way to make a livin’
Barely gettin’ by
It’s all takin’ and no givin’
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
It’s enough to drive you crazy
If you let it
9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that I
Would deserve a fat promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss won’t seem to let me
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me

The hustle is real. Other artists have shared their opinion on the same like Kacey Musgraves in Blowin’ Smoke, painting the grim side  of being employed and sitting on your dreams. Some of the songs are so inspiring, my personal favorite is Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance and I cant help but share the lyrics;

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

As if love, inspiration and our daily hustle aren’t enough, we pay tribute to those we have lost. Songs like I Drive your truck by Lee Brice, a tribute to a deceased brother, Midnight in Montgomery by Alan Jackson to mention but a few. And more to appreciate about Country music, the Lord is worshiped very passionately. From countless covers of  The Old Rugged Cross, Amazing Grace and What a Friend we have in Jesus, to special dedications like Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood, and reminders that “….some of God’s greatest gifts, is UNANSWERED PRAYERS” by Garth Brooks. You just gotta love it, or you already do but like many out there, do not know it’s actually Country Music.

We could go on and on but this post is meant to be a tribute to one of my all time favorites in the Country music industry, now the late Don Williams.

Oooo Gentle Giant, you may be gone, but

You placed gold on my finger
You brought love like I’ve never known

And with your music;

You’re my anchor in life’s ocean
But most of all you’re my best friend.

Rest in peace Cowboy.

The Unconscious Bias

I recently attended an event hosted by Zimba Women, a company that uses tech to find innovative solutions to create sustainable futures for African women, which took place at the Innovation Village, Ntinda Complex, Kampala, Uganda. While at first, I honestly showed up to please my friend who works with the organisation, and had planned to stay no longer than thirty minutes, the topic of the evening had me hooked till the very end of the session, which was way past 9:00PM. The discussion was too personal for me that I just had to stay and hear it all. But first things first.

According to Google, Unconscious bias happens by our brains making incredibly quick judgments and assessments of people and situations without us realizing. Our biases are influenced by our background, cultural environment and personal experiences.

I couldn’t agree more. And most times, people don’t know they are inflicting the unconscious bias.

Women are the most affected by the unconscious bias and it follows them everywhere. From home, to school, to the workplace and in all types of relationships. There is always that prejudice that a woman is incapable, undeserving, unqualified, and all other forms of bigotry. Not only does it bury us under the mad, it also takes a whole lot of will power to overcome. And often times, the woman has to endure all sorts of insults and rejection to get to the point where she is accepted. Many, unfortunately, give up the fight because their self esteem is wounded beyond repair. I have a sister who would rather sit away from everyone else at a family gathering for fear of not fitting in. I cannot count how many times, I have personally not risen to the occasion because I was told I can’t or it’s inappropriate. And for a long time, I have hesitated where I should have acted. In the end, you’re left with only regrets. What if’s, I wish I had, etc. Not a fancy way to live, I tell you.

I am also a big believer in the proverb “Charity begins at home”. And in many families, comparisons are a very common form of unconscious bias. I was once called ‘second hand’, in comparison to my older sister because I wasn’t as bright as her in their opinion. But we are gifted differently and my gifts were overlooked at the time. To this day, it’s still the same in a way and I sort of gave up on trying to please them. Lucky for me, I met ‘encouragers’ who taught me that I am enough and do not have to rise up to anybody else’s given standards. I cannot imagine what it would have been like, had that sister been a boy.

Being the youngest in the family, my opinion also often goes unheard or downplayed. Very discouraging but true. And I am not the only one. In Africa, the older person is deemed to be wiser and the younger one must always obey. But it is not always the case. Older or not, we are all gifted differently and can make a difference together. I have seen a number of people in my close circles make mistakes that they have lived to regret, simply because the one person who was right, was younger than they are, and therefore, their opinion did not count.

National exams every year are rated basing on who did better between boys and girls. The most competitive subjects in schools (STEM) are encouraged among the boys while the girl is taught Home Economics like they do not already do the chores everyday they are at home. Generally, the girls are not considered intelligent enough to excel as highly as the boys, yet the opposite is true. I cannot to begin to share about what happens in the workplace. It’s disheartening.

A recent article I read, 15 Eye-opening Comics That Perfectly Illustrate Double Standards In Our Society published at clearly illustrates some of these unconscious biases. Example:

Unconscious Bias

And while the girls are the most affected, some boys suffer in the process as well. The weaker ones are called feminine and many other funny names and are often left out or given lesser credit than they deserve. If he has a softer voice, it’s a problem. If he is skinny, it’s a problem. And so many other examples. But if you put this same boy in the same situation as the girl, he will most likely emerge the winner.

Culture has preconditioned us to look at life from an imbalanced point of view. Scripture itself is often misinterpreted in this regard. While the woman was created to be humbler and much softer in how she approaches life, it doesn’t mean that she is weak. On the contrary, that is where her strength lies and all she needs is an audience. Hear her out and you will be amazed.

A lot has been argued on this subject and movies made out of it. And this unconscious bias spreads further than boy vs girl. You will see it in how people with different skin colors treat each other. The white people look at blacks and other races as incapable of being like them and we in turn unconsciously subscribed to the thought that they are better than us. We dress like them to fit in the world, women straighten their hair in Africa because it is appealing. I personally just learned that my kaweke is actually the natural kind of hair I am supposed to have. I honestly believed it was the worst type of hair ever and did what every other woman before me was doing; I relaxed it. Well, I kinda love it straight, but I am in the process of going back to my roots. I love the freedom of adorning short hair and not worrying about how combed out it must be. Am also tired of the chemicals used to keep my hair sane. Phew! Watch the space.

I could go on and on on this topic. There are skills am just learning now because I grew up in a place where it was believed that I  didn’t need them. One of those is driving. Yes, I still can’t drive. So lame! A couple years back, I asked a close family member to teach me how to drive and he made it clear that I did not need the skill. The next day, he was teaching his 13 year old son to drive. The boy had just started high school, and I asked myself why he needed to learn how to drive and I didn’t. For a long time, this bothered me and on the day this event was held, the puzzle finally was solved for me. It all became clear why this had happened. They did not intend to turn down my request, it was a subconscious belief coming to life. I had to let go of the resentment that my younger self had strongly held on to. And there is so much more to let go of, so much baggage attributed to this unconscious bias that I have to clean out. Some of it, I have unconsciously picked up. But that is life. We learn all the way. Every single day.

I am still finding out more on this subject. One of those other things that has been gnawing at me is being referred to as a “Millennial”. I passionately hated it until I learnt that I actually fall in that age bracket and that it is not necessarily a bad thing. Well, depends on who is talking. Lol.

Until next post. #BreakingLymyts

Boss Baby


I love animations, so much. They are entertaining for one, but even more than any other movie ‘genres’, are very closely related to our everyday life. But as adults, we have that unconscious bias when it comes to sitting down and watching an animation. We downplay them so much like we were born this age, but c’mon, if you enjoyed them as a child, they are still a part of you and every once in a while, you can crush on that popcorn and laugh away watching one.

Unlike you, am a total boov for these stories. I can’t even begin to count how many I have watched. Some of the most entertaining ones have been the uncommon titles. Case in point is Strange Magic. The music was spot on, the character development was impressive and the story line, of course, was haa…so much fun, Unforgettable. When things get rough and I’m unsure, I see my little elf friend singing to me;

“Don’t worry, about a thing. Every little thing, is gonna be alright.”

I better stop there, because I am already getting into the groovy mood. You know Bob Marley lyrics always get one on their feet. And for the boov I am, each emotion comes with its own color. Only those who have watched Home can understand. But imagine this, what if each emotion we felt manifested with a color on our skin. Something like;

If you lie – Green

If you’re happy – Pink

If you’re unsure/uncertain – Orange

In pain – Red

Etc. How colorful would like be? Hahahaha, forgive this boov. Something else I found fascinating in the movie Home, was the representation of the Boov race. It was the typical Human race. The best species at running away. No balls whatsoever to face our issues head on but rather find someone to blame and keep running away from responsibility or being held accountable. A leader sells a lie to their followers and forever they follow blindly and none of them ever stops to examine where the danger is coming from and what can be done about it. We would all rather live in Happy Humans Town, eating all things nice and living with no consequences, huh? We pretend to be so serious, so tuned to an empowering kind of music, when we could just play the right music and celebrate life. That dancing scene cracks me up all the time, even by just thinking about it. Hahahaha. I hear; “My hands are in the air, like I just do not care”. And; “…………’s shaking in the most undignified way.” Bwahahahahaha we humans complicate life. And the winner in this movie, was the Boov English. Tihihihihihi, you have to watch it to know what am saying.

One of the most inspiring ones, was Zootopia. At least this title was all over the place. On billboards and showing in cinemas. That soundtrack by the beautiful Shakira was my ringtone for about six months. The song is just inspiring, the chorus says;

I won’t give up, no I won’t give in, till I reach the end, then I’ll start again. No I won’t leave, I wanna try everything, I wanna try even though I could fail.

Just read that again. And yes, it comes with a very groovy beat to shake to. It’s worth a download. I wanna say more about this one but Moana keeps knocking on the door. She is one persistent future leader. She is actually the heiress to her father, the village chief’s throne. She will dare face a demi-god and make him do as she says, to save her people. Oh, the ocean roots for her, so u better watch out. I loved Moana so much, I could re-watch it and still be in awe like it’s the first time am seeing it. Believe me. The music was amazing, and I picked a lot of life advise from there. In one scene, while referring to the stupid hen; or was it a cock, she said;

“Sometimes our strengths lie beneath the surface.”

That line stayed with me and it encourages me to dig deeper withing myself when I feel like I have hit the wall and want to give up. We tend to miss out on great opportunities because we let give up too quickly or our search is too shallow. You have to look farther into the future, paint it and then dig deeper within yourself to find the answers to that which you have envisioned. You might have a different interpretation, please do share in the comments section.

For all the daring, with a strong urge to achieve your dreams, despite the odds, Ballerina and Brave are a must watch. The non-believers in miracles and the existence of an another life alongside our own, Epic is the one for you. The Smurfs too. I want to move on to the title story but the old school guys don’t want to be left out. Shout outs to Shrek, Madagascar, Up, Rango, Lion King, the Barbie movie collection, awwwwww Frozen! This was another great and memorable one. Let it go still plays in households and there times my ears pick it up and the excitement is still as new. But of course the message is strong. At times we hold on too much, while trying not to hurt/offend others, yet we hurt/offend them in the process of trying not to hurt/offend them. The best way to make people around you happier is to stop trying to please them and take care of you. The happier you are as a person, so will those around you be.

Let it go!

A few lines from the song say;

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all!

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I’m free!

Let it go, let it go

Then there is Toy Story, Sinbad, the fairy tales like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast; I could go on and on.

Now it’s time for my current favorite guy, Boss Baby. This lil man has been making my days since I first watched the movie. I cannot tire of re-watching him. We all know babies are so bossy by nature; they demand what they want and will scream your ears off if it is not granted. But there is another irony to this story, one that shows the other side of humans, especially those who hold a certain degree of authority. And am talking about authority on all platforms. Church, in families and of course the most loved ones; the politicians. But even more importantly, YOU and me. We all, to a certain degree, are authority figures and we have those people we push around, just because we can. But here is why I say so.

Let’s face it, when babies arrive, so much changes. Parents shift their attention from the existing toddlers to the new born, schedules change; and I mean for everyone. Panic when they won’t stop crying. Everything is re-organised to accommodate them. And so was the case in this story, except that this time, we have a baby in a suit and he talks. He is actually a high profile fellow on undercover business. Of course, they eliminate the gruesome task of birth and create a factory for babies that we all at one point believed was a real place as kids. At least, I did. Mummy couldn’t answer my question of where babies come from until much later in my young life.

Boss Baby is a whinny needy little person one moment and the next finds him shouting orders and delegating tasks. I honestly thought about our members of Parliament while watching this. Those moments when; they received tablets like a baby is given gifts, when they are demanding an increment in their perks like salary, new cars, etc, whining about it like life depends on it, to delegating their work to assistants while they take breaks somewhere in the name of a retreat of sorts. They are still being fed and when you inquire about work, they are too busy delegating. They won’t lift a finger. Of course the blame never falls on them but on the “government” like they are not part of it.

It’s not just them, though. It’s all of us. From men who hired their wives to run the home. They are busy delegating when they are hanging out with a woman who is not their wife but expect a faithful submissive wife when they get back home. Or when he follows his dreams, leaving the wife to give up all of hers but she is still expected to be excited about life and being a wife, motherhood and all. To employers who would rather fire you, than know you have something else going on for you outside of work. I have seen a teacher punish one little girl for wearing trousers during holidays. Not at school or to any school activity but during her time away from school, with her family. We also have friends who will boss you around like it supposed to make you famous.

Boss Baby was an entertaining story for me. But the person I am couldn’t help but notice how we abuse authority just because we can. And the things we will do when we feel threatened. We become masters of disguise. True story! One will destroy an innocent life should they feel threatened. Puppies were taking over the world and more people were opting to get a dog than have a child, which did not appeal to Baby Corps and they did what they had to do. In the process, threatened one little boy’s relationship with his parents as an only child and also endangered the parents’ lives. We will do so much to get away with guilt.

The plight of the human race is somewhat highlighted in this movie and I recommend that you watch it and please, do share your reviews.