I recently chanced on an audio book on YouTube about Self Esteem. I was minding my own business, just looking for a particular book by George Orwell to listen to when this title The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden caught my eye. Self esteem, I must admit, is one of the most common issues we deal with in our everyday life, like it or not. I have had my fair share of ups and lows where this is concerned. But this book, read by author himself, has given me a new perspective on how I see myself, feel about myself ,think about myself and others at large. Therefore, when a friend of mine had a question to ask of me, I couldn’t help but notice the source of his discomfort. Somewhere within him, he feels insecure and found the perfect excuse to project this.
My friend wanted to know why I deactivated “Read Receipts” on Whatsapp. My answer of course was to avoid stress factors called “complaints” about not replying messages; whether because I delayed to or intentionally ignored the person and also when am ignored by someone who I was really hoping would answer and am left feeling so awful about myself. I would rather not know that you saw my message and ignored me, you know. Of course, self esteem comes into play here. We tend to tie how good or happy we feel on other people’s responses to us. Should they ignore or openly reject you, boy or boy, one is left crying a river, feeling the worst about themselves and more so, sinking deeper in the quicksand called self pity. Not a beautiful place to be in case you didn’t know.
Well, I had to ask why he was bothered by my choice to remove read receipts and he said, it is common of girls with multiple boyfriends and are never to be trusted. I argued of course, that was their reason, I had mine. We talked about it some more and he made it clear that he would require his lady to have read receipts or he would consider her unfaithful. I told him how I thought that kind of insecurity was baseless and tried to show him that all he had to do was build the right foundation for the relationship instead of relying on such a facade. Bottom line is, I know where that came from, I was there before. See, if you do not know exactly what you want in any given relationship, anything will be a threat to you. Even worse when you do not communicate. Earlier today, I came across this Portuguese idiom;
“He who doesn’t communicate, gets his fingers burnt.”
There are far more insecurities we deal with everyday that may go unnoticed by us because they come across as the natural way to feel or react to circumstances. I am sure you have skipped an activity you would so much have loved to be apart of, simply because you feel it is not for you, you wouldn’t fit in, right? Well, where is it written if I may ask? Who decided it is not for people like you? What would happen if you went for it anyway? These kinds of awkward feelings make us act insignificant and guess what, the universe responds to what you offer it and don’t be surprised if every time you feel less of yourself, everybody else treats you so.
I recently learned the hard fact about money. If you look for it, you won’t find it. It knows how to hide and play hard to get. If you define what you stand for and work toward fulfilling that particular purpose, regardless of whether you have the money or not, somehow the resources avail themselves. You will all of a sudden get insights on how to raise the funds. I have practiced this for the past two years and I have not been disappointed. Make it all about the money, and nothing will get done, decide on your end goal and get started regardless and the money will show up without you sweating so much. I am sharing this lesson with my friends, one person at a time. See, some things aren’t bought if you sell them to a group. One bad mouth will always kill the buzz for everyone else. Take it easy.
The insecurity of inferiority got a friend of mine in trouble last week. She had a toothache and I suggested a clinic for her to visit. But in her heart she thought she would never afford it and went to another lesser clinic somewhere and the results did not disappoint. She is in immeasurable pain right now because the guy did a bad job, broke her tooth and now she has a surgical case on her hands. This procedure is going to cost her way more than she would have spent, had she visited the right clinic as advised. Do not judge yourself from the lesser point of view at any one time in your life. Whether you have millions of money to your name or not, you deserve royal treatment and you shouldn’t settle for less because you think you can’t afford it. Many great men have left us warnings and signs and one of them reads;
“What your mind can conceive, you can achieve.”
Save yourself the trouble darling and go for the best. There is always a way, always. Therefore, don’t shy away from the best hotels in town, or the best boutiques, or the best vacations. You can always find a way to have it all. Simply decide what it is you want and a plan will come to you to make it all happen.
Define your standards and set clear boundaries for yourself and others in your life. This is one sure way I have managed to overcome my insecurities. By knowing exactly what I want and eventually how to get it, so many stereotypes have vanished from my life. Someone has done it before, find out about them and see how they did it. There is always someone out there who knows a thing or two about what you want that you don’t, ask them about it. Just like you, everyone has a past, tastes and preferences and so many other unique things about them, embrace it all. Learnt about them and what they like, see how to harmonize with them and learn from, as well as teach them something. It is better than hating on them for no justifiable reason but your insecurities.